The holiday season is often associated with warmth, love, and togetherness, but for foster children, it can also bring a sense of uncertainty, loneliness, and loss. Many children in foster care have experienced trauma, disrupted family ties, and instability in their lives. For these kids, the holidays can feel especially overwhelming as they navigate a world where traditions, family, and routines are unfamiliar.
Below, we’ll explore meaningful ways to care for foster children during this special time of year and offer them the love, care, and stability they need to feel safe and valued.
1. Consider Their Cultural or Religious Background
It’s essential to respect and honor the cultural or religious background of your foster child, especially during holidays. They may come from a different faith, background, or tradition, and recognizing their unique perspective will help them feel seen and valued.
Talk to the child (or their social worker) about any particular cultural or religious traditions they may follow, and include them in discussions about how they would like to celebrate the holidays. If they don’t celebrate Christmas, consider incorporating their traditions into your holiday celebrations or celebrating in ways that make them feel understood and included.
It is essential to respect and honor the cultural, spiritual, and traditional background of Indigenous children in your care, especially during the holidays. Indigenous cultures often hold unique ways of marking this time of year that may differ significantly from mainstream celebrations. Recognizing and embracing their traditions will help them feel seen, valued, and connected to their identity.
Take the time to learn about the child’s specific cultural background, as Indigenous traditions vary widely between Nations. Engage in conversations with the child (or their family, community, or social worker) to understand any practices, stories, or ceremonies that hold meaning for them during this season. For example, many Indigenous communities emphasize the importance of storytelling, connection to nature, and giving thanks. You might incorporate these traditions by sharing Indigenous stories, spending time outdoors, or hosting a gathering to express gratitude.
If the child doesn’t celebrate Christmas, create space for their traditions to be honored. Incorporate culturally appropriate elements into your holiday activities or adjust your approach to ensure they feel included and respected. Collaborating with the child and, where possible, their community, will provide a meaningful way to honor their heritage while creating a supportive and nurturing environment.
2. Create a Welcoming and Safe Environment
The holidays are about togetherness, and for children who have faced instability, creating a safe and welcoming environment is key. Ensure your home is a place where your foster child feels comfortable, respected, and cared for. Establishing traditions, no matter how simple, can help bring consistency to a child’s life and create a sense of stability.
3. Understand and Acknowledge Their Emotions
For many foster children, the holidays may stir up feelings of grief, sadness, or anger, particularly if they are separated from their birth families. Some children may miss the traditions or family gatherings they once had, and the festive season can amplify feelings of loss. Acknowledge that this may be a tough time for them and give them space to express their emotions.
If your foster child has a history of trauma, it’s important to be patient and supportive. Encourage open conversations and be sensitive to the fact that they might not fully understand their emotions.
4. Involve Them in Holiday Traditions
Holidays are about creating memories, and for many foster children, they may have never had a chance to experience certain holiday traditions. Involving them in meaningful rituals can help create a sense of belonging and normalcy.
For example, if you celebrate Christmas, consider letting them help decorate the tree, put out stockings, or choose a holiday gift. If your family celebrates other holidays, incorporate activities like light displays, gift-giving, or special meals. Children love having a sense of ownership over the festivities, so giving them a role in the preparations will help them feel included and part of the celebration.
5. Focus on Consistency and Routine
While the holidays are a time for fun and celebration, foster children may feel unsettled by too much change, especially if they’re already adjusting to a new family dynamic. While it’s important to celebrate, maintaining a routine can help them feel more secure. Keep regular bedtimes, mealtimes, and other daily routines to provide stability during the festive period.
Incorporating familiar rituals into your holiday celebrations, like reading a bedtime story, following your regular weekly schedule, or making time for relaxation, can provide much-needed balance. Familiarity is key for children who may struggle with sudden changes in their environment, and maintaining structure helps foster kids feel safe and grounded.
6. Provide Emotional Support and Counseling (if Necessary)
For many foster children, the holidays can trigger unresolved trauma or difficult memories. Emotional support is vital, and if necessary, access to counseling or therapy can help.
Work with the child’s social worker, therapist, or counselor to ensure they have access to the support they need. Therapy can provide a safe space for them to express their emotions and cope with their trauma. Foster parents should also be ready to provide extra emotional comfort and support, especially during moments of heightened stress or sadness.
7. Gift-Giving with Sensitivity
Gift-giving is often a central part of holiday celebrations, but for foster children, the experience can be complicated. Some kids may feel uncomfortable receiving gifts, especially if they have been through many transitions or have never experienced a traditional holiday celebration. It’s important to approach gift-giving with sensitivity.
Rather than focusing on expensive or extravagant gifts, consider giving thoughtful and meaningful presents that reflect the child’s personality and needs. A simple toy, a book, or a personal item can go a
long way. Ask the child’s caseworker if there are any specific wishes or needs that the child has. It’s also helpful to give the child the opportunity to give something back to others, teaching the value of sharing and generosity.
8. Stay Connected with Their Birth Family (If Possible)
Whenever possible, maintaining some connection with a foster child’s birth family can help them feel less isolated during the holidays. This can be difficult, depending on the circumstances, but it’s important to honor and respect the child’s desire to stay in touch with family members, even if they are in foster care.
If safe and appropriate, facilitate communication through phone calls, video chats, or letters. Even if the child can’t be with their birth family during the holidays, keeping in touch may help ease some feelings of loss. Always involve caseworkers and follow protocols regarding contact with birth families.
9. Self-Care for Foster Parents
Caring for foster children, especially during the holiday season, can be emotionally demanding. It’s important for foster parents to practice self-care so they can provide the best care for the child. This might mean taking breaks when needed, seeking support from fellow foster parents, or even talking to a counselor yourself.
The holiday season can be an emotional rollercoaster for everyone involved, so take time to recharge and ensure you’re in a good place to support the child. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure to nurture yourself, too.
Conclusion
The holidays are a time for love, connection, and joy, but for children in foster care, they can also bring feelings of fear, sadness, and loneliness. As foster parents, you have the unique opportunity to create a warm, loving environment where children can feel safe, included, and valued. By establishing traditions, providing emotional support, and respecting their individual needs, you can make this holiday season one of healing, growth, and joy. Every effort you make to bring comfort and stability will create lasting memories that can positively shape their future.
Remember: the greatest gift you can give a foster child is not just a present, but the gift of love, care, and stability. This holiday season let’s make sure no child feels alone—especially the ones who need it most.
